Make attitude everything

In my previous blog, I wrote about Attitude over Aptitude. Let’s explore more about the attitude of disrespect.

I remember when disrespect would rear its ugly head in our family – could be child to parent, could be parent to parent. From a child, it usually invokes anger – rage?? – “how can you speak to your mother that way?” Or, “don’t you DARE speak to me that way.” And if you’re admonishment is coming from anger or rage (hard not to, I know…), your child will react to your emotion of anger and miss the message.

[Sidebar and future blog: kids get their attitudes from us. Hard to hear, isn’t it?]

If the disrespect was from an adult to an adult, it usually provokes a sarcastic retort, or a complete shutdown and then the silent treatment. Our kids are watching all this.

…back to disrespect from our kids… A couple of good lines to have in your pocket… “This isn’t working for me.” If you’re someplace other than home, leave. Wait in the car for your child to come out, and that outing is over. Later in the day, explain that the attitude was completely unacceptable and your child didn’t earn the privilege of being together with you, or using your time to take them someplace or buy them something.

Sometimes it’s not possible to terminate the outing or moment; for example - you’re on the way to a dentist or doctor appointment and your child mouths off to you. You need to keep the appointment, but you don’t have to go for ice cream or shopping or have a friend over after the appointment. The line is: “remember how you spoke to me before your appointment? You have not earned the privilege of having a friend over…”

If at home, a good line is, “You can stay, but the attitude has to go. If you cannot change your attitude, then leave the room.” I wish I’d known this line when my kids were little…

Here’s to raising kids of character…

Pam